ssSsshhH .. iTs My SeCreT ..

ssSsshhH .. iTs My SeCreT ..

Sunday, September 17, 2006

sinfully beautiful

langit yg cerah tak penah ai sangke akan mendung, lebih2 lg tyme baju di ampaian hampir kering ... *matila peribahasa baru ...

itula sebenarnye realiti kehidupan ai ...

masih ingat salah satu entry ai, ai kate nk wat comeback pendedahan kisah sebenar kehidupan ai di kk ... hmmm... ai guess let me clear up all of these stuff..

ekceli, ai da lame simpan dlm hati ... tunggu mase yg sesuai je ai nk luahkn sume kt sini ... ai rase dh sgt rapat ngan blog nie .. smpai kn sume citer psl benda baik or buruk bout myself ai nk citer ... adakah itue dinamakan membuka pekung di dada? i dunno ... lain org lain perception ...

ai tatau ... its been almost 2 months now since ai balik dr kk ... well, it has neva been a REALLY GOOD experience for me there .. ai rase, ai lebih byk citer psl ai hepi cikcur sana sini, sbb ai sgt takut nk bukak citer yg buruk2 tu .. ai malu ngan sume org .. sume ingat ai sgt hepi kt sana .. but only gods know ...

to conclude my introduction, lemme say this; my life was fcukin miserable 24-7 becos of this boy!! yeah .. thats the truth ... fcukin shit!

he was like, the best thing eva happened in my life .. yups, ai had neva experience this mesmerizing sensation before. ai know.. he's just a kid, tryin to find somthing that he can cling onto .. he's just a kid, stil wanna hav great fun and being serious wasnt yet exist in his dictionary. on the other hand, ai cant just tipu myself .. ai really fall for him... entirely. its kinda stupid to think of it again, now .. that ai was such a silly minded .. to actually love .. uiks.. got this eerie feeling when ai say that 4 letter word.. huhu.
well, there's wise saying ' love is blind '
ai think that suits me well, doesnt it?

and then ... big mistake!!! opps ai did it again...
guess wut? ai ... subconsciously, has devoted myself being his so called servant .. hey!!!! frankly .. im not utterly aware that ai have been doin everythin that he wanna me to do ... ai just ... ai dunno ... ai just wanna him to be with me ... and im ready to give everything ... wuttha~!!
and more ... ai hav been doin some budget auditing and found out that most of the expenses ai had thru out my 8 months in kk goes to .... well, ai shuddnt say mostly ... but ai did gave him some ....

for d record, ai gave him a tshirt .. a perfume .. a RM 5 digi topup .. a Rm 20 tmnet prepaid .. and a hair wax spray .. and some treats .. huwaaaaa.. shud ai be cryin now? am ai a buruk siku person to list back all the things ai actually, big heartedly gave him??

suprisingly, thats not the only mistakes ai hav made .. yet, ai guess ai hav been doing a lotsof bad things .. not to others, but to myself. it was where ai learnt to drink like hell, it was where ai learnt to try on drugs .. im not really sure why ai did that to me, but ai really kinda regretting it now. but, nothing might change thou ai really put all efforts in reggretting bout the past, the scar will always be there, cursing and despising me each and every second of my life.

to hurt one's self to attract attention ... yeah, thats kindof sound like me. it wasnt the 1st tyme ai did it, not even close to third or fourth. ai just like the feeling of pain and blood gush out, suffice enuff to flow slowly from the cut and making own path .. daaaaa ... yups, honestly, i did do it to gain attention.. sorry guys! i didnt mean to act like a freak .. but ai was absent minded, ai guess at that tyme. with that only ai'll get his attention more ..

at this point, im not sure whether its him or its really me that bear all the blame. yeah, truth is, he merely just a platform for me to actually commit all of these horrendous acts. it was me that were so dim-witted and so hot blooded that ai hav been doing all of those and still wanna put all the charge to others. wutthahell am ai thinking??
ooo fcuk!!! now ai realize .. ai had almost lost my faith to god .. or am ai already loosening it?
ai wasnt sure ... let it be ... nothing can actualy be done to repair the wreckage.. thou there is a way ... im not sure if ai cant really put myself into it.

duh! thats it! enuff said .. its just not fair ... ai tot if ai throw everythin out fr0m ma head .. ai'll be ok .. yet, ai feel awkward .. STOP!

6 comments:

arieca7-nak-paiz said...

hiks... citer sedey rupanya... ai bg 2 quote jerr

Love is not blind - It sees more and not less,but because it sees more it is willing to see less.


Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes... just be an illusion.


**tmpg nanges
*matila luahan prasaaan chihihi

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Anak Tunggal Makcik Zaiton said...

hanjeng la anonymous tu..ko hengat ko sapa nk cari duit sesuka hati?..(matila sentap sbb xpenah dpt duit melalui internet)

Hihihihihi..nk quote mcm lele gak:

"The opposite of love isn;t hate..it's indifference.. if he hates u..that's mean u can still winning his love back.."

(matila x relevan tapi i suka quote tu)

stars are blind kan?

Evillici0us kimie said...

ahhhh ai mmg adik paris hilton~ *ttba*

imahlenggok said...

matila sindrome ketagih cinta lalu*

Evillici0us kimie said...

ahh malu malu .. camne yu0ls tau? kekek .. matila ai~